Fresh!

The smell of a new pad of paper,
The fresh smell of the salty,
The idea of a fresh start...


I sit here in my room after much thought and consideration,
as I ponder on the mysteries which seem to make up my life.

Why are we here?
and who are we now ?

why do I feel this when I should feel like that?...

It is a fact that this life of mine is still not yet in tact.
Tho I dream upon the day where I can just let things float away..

I sit here in my room,
and just let my thoughts lead me into a stray.

the " good guy"

Shakespeare once said that we live in a world where the mad lead the blind... I completely agree.

Hello readers.

as you might have guessed I am not in the best of moods... The way in which I can describe to you why it is that I feel this way is complicated... but then again what is not... what is easy... No if you ask me we live in a world where as much as I hate to think it, you are on your own ( with the exception of God). In this world you must be cautious... Love too much and you will be let down, think too much and you will drive yourself mad etc.

What really pisses me off is that no matter who you are in life... you will eventually lose this game we call life. You get married, you die after, you get a job you lose a job... it's never ending. It is therefore why I ponder the whole being a good person thing..

I mean you be a good person.. the world will eventually bit you in the ass... This is no fair game there is no justice... So then I ask myself... why be the good guy. In business we know that good guys finnish last, and those who cheat, lie etc come out on top... I mean why must we take it, are we really happy? Then again... the happiness that you have... is it real ?

Upon my walk from P.V tonight these where the things running through my mind. As I blasted my music to try and calm me down... who would have thought that the lamb could over come the lion. .. I am lost in thought, and I truly thank God that I have such things as work and water-polo to take my mind off some things.

But I think I have an answer... and I think it brings me to a wall... Why be this "good guy"...simple. As Bob Marley once said right after he got shot. There is already enough of people trying to make this world a worse place than it already is.

Im am so sick of everyones bull that,that shall be my goal. To be that flicker of light in the dark. Amongst other flickers creating just enough light to keep the world from turning on it's side...

About fracking time

Hello readers

Damn... I don't even want to see how long it has been since I last blogged, however; I have now made the commitment towards myself, as to create a new Blog every month XD.

So well, since I have last written I guess I have achieved a whole new outlook on life in general. With exams being right smack dab in the middle of my (dear I say it) 19th birthday, I have come to realize that I as a person have indeed changed.

True the main aspects that make me, Well ME are still there, however; I feel like car re-painted, a child reborn. In saying so I wouldn't say that I have become dull...no I refuse to believe that, but when you pass a stool whilst reading the business weekly... you know you have reached a point of no return.

I am all for embracing the future; however I am also a “live now” kind of guy. In the sense that I have an idea as to what my future has in-store for me... but I am in no rush to get there.

So ok, yeah... I guess I had a shitty birthday, but I mean it was not all bad. Now that all my presents come towards me in a financial forum I have saved up enough cash to go to S.S and a few other places =) soo *shrug* not complaining.

All In all I would like to thank Chiara for coming to visit me and for the amazing chocolates, Karla for the phone call and of course my cookie toes Rose who stood sending me all the birthday love :).

Well readers that’s all I had to say that was of any relevance this Wednesday

I better go study some bloody more.... gahhh nine days of living as a hermit to go

Till then

Steve.D

Out.

A new world

Recently I have been contemplating on my old life, thinking of the good old times where I use to just hang out with my old group of friends, drink a few beers and just enjoy the evening to come. Now as time moved on, friends, situations,times and even people have changed be it for the better or the worse. Now I admit that I being a person shifting between youth and adult tried to stick to my old life style with little affect. I'm not saying that I am not glad with the person I am today... far from it. However; what I am saying is this...

A few sentences up I mentioned how people have changed. Now be for what ever reason it may be as to why they changed... it still leaves me with one question facing me, and that question is; What happened to the peace and joy which was once amongst us in the old times.

What has really been getting to me is that many people I once thought to be my good friends... my brothers and sisters even... are now the most people I fell let down by. They lie, they deceit, they use, they assume, they judge and its just goes on and on.

now a few weeks back I have done some radical changes in my life and have left those changes unspoken of, in the sense that I changed but I just didn't stay flaunting my change about. The "brothers and sisters" I once knew have not seen these changes and kept on with their ways.

It may seem like I'm judging myself now but if I had to stay going into that, then I nor any one else would ever write a Blog; as between the lines judgement can still be seen, but anyway.

My conclusion to this blog is simple... I'm just going to keep on moving up.

The way I see it is that if someone says their your friend and then does all that... well they are not really your friend then ey, and trust me that whole hugging during the " paci mieghek" thinking that " hey maybe that person might have changed after all".... not always the case, but thats a different story which I personally am not going to bother writing about.

So to close... if you even got this far as I admit I wrote this just to vent out so sorry for the negativity; I am just going to say one little thing... You can throw what you want, you can think what you want, you can say what you want... But I will not crack. Even if all my true friends somehow turn out to be as those disloyal few... I am glad that I have one true and just friend. A friend who is not just a friend but he is also my King and Saviour.

That is my new world, and this is how I shall live it

Out.

*shrug*

The world is changing.... no I don't mean global warming, I'm talking about my world and the people that live in it.

Got closer to some

Got a cold shoulder from others

Some people changed all together and I don't see it for the better...

See I analyse everything that crosses my eye... I see an action, take it in, calculate the probabilities and come up with an answer. I know it to be wrong as I should focus on my self, but when Ill be involved... I can't but help try understand and what people are on about.

What leaves me scratching my head is that there are a few people that are a mix of all the three above. A roller coaster of emotions one might say...

But here is where it gets all screwy and by that I mean not so strange at all... The people that are close to you really don't know you at all.. even though they think they do...

Now I'm not saying that all people are as such....

I'm just saying that there are some ... or someone

The type of person that forces themselves to accept you as a friend only because they see you at-least twice a week whether they like it or not.

But what's really a thorn in my ass is not the fact that has been said... nay

Is that those type of people... now reformed don't have the stomach to say what they feel in fret of another quarrel

I suppose in this new world of mine... now that most all the smoke has cleared ... I get to see people for who they truly are

The friend

The companion

The preacher

The teacher

The loon

The bringer of joy

The bringer of gloom

The one who made my year

& The one who makes it all so unclear...

These people are everywhere... They are part of my life.

yet all I can do for some is just smile and say " orajt? "

Till next time my readers

world suck

wow... I haven't blogged since summer... well it's 2010 and I am glad 09 is finally over.

those of u who know me well enough would know that I had it quite rough last year but some how I got through it.

Probability is that no one or vry few people would even read this but anyway... I just felt righting so here it goes.

over this past month I have grew wiser on some aspects in my life. in fact... here's a list

1/ NO ONE KEEPS A SECRET

2/ friends lie

3/ people can be assholes just to make the world nicer for them

4/ the people who rly do care abt u remain unnoticed by u

5/ some people don't get a hint

6/ some people wont let go of stuff

7/ 2 out of every 4 people who say they are like a brother or sister to you lie and dnt even know it

8/ When ur life begins to turn for the better you gotta stay strong

9/ ALOT of people including my self need to grow a pair of Christian balls and finally

10/ Unless you are considered to be someone popular even amongst your own group... no matter what you say or do.. if someone say something against u be it true or false... the majority of your so called friends wont believe you.

yes I know that is vry negative

BUT you know its true...

unless you somehow manage to completely let go, cut off and just not let stuff get to you... your gonna one day be human and fall...

which brings me to my final point...

why must us as people be so cruel... be it intentional or not... you know your heart.

whats the point in showing off, offending, gossiping, not keeping your word and so on ?

but such is life I suppose, no matter the amount of good one pumps out pain will always creep its way into our hearts...

what a funny world we live in...

Steve signing out ..

A walk home

Hey...


After celebrating Jeremy's birthday at Time Square today I went to p.v to meet someone and then since everyone was far away or home I decided to go home. Now I am here in my gym trousers and in my ac'd room typing away, as I have nothing better to do....

No one to msg
No one to think of
No one.....

So on my way home during the light rain I decided to get out my problems solving box and with a direct line to my good pal God I began to ponder :P.


You know... This world is a funny place.
it's just filled with people all on a lifetime adventure to seek love...
People have different ways in seeking love, as they have different ideas as to how to obtain it, but yes... I believe that at the end of the day, we are all in the same race.

From start to finish people ( and I am talking in general here ) have different way's of
showing love,
of acting towards it,
and some people well... they just try so hard to achieve it, that the block away the real love that was staring them right in the face.

The love that will never leave you.
The love that is all ways by you re side.
The love the understands.
The love that is beyond all love.

But.... this is not enough. No at least not for me .....

all though I know that I am indeed loved, and all though I know that with or without it I will still live
I feel the need to have another type of love.

A love the is tangible.....


So I sit here in my little room praying to God... that maybe

If it is his will. find me this love that I feel I need.


Till then I wait for God to act.
For I know that one way or another.... God will show me how to obtain, this love =)


Untill then I guess XD


God bless you all